This posting started out being a family update but alas, thoughts of my Auntie E fill my mind. The photo you see here is of a recent visit with her. T wanted to read to her from his Dick and Jane book. She loves him so. As she says, "I prayed for him to be born and look at what an amazing guy we got." In fact, she did pray for his conception. Let me tell you, she is definitely dialed in with the Man Upstairs. When she prays, big things happen.
We have been making some trips to a neighboring city, about a 45 minute drive, to visit my aunt E. She has terminal cancer and she is a favorite great aunt of the kids. She loves kids. She was a kindergarten school teacher for decades in Las Vegas before relocating here in Idaho. Deeply religious person, too. Very devout Catholic. It has been hard on her not being able to attend church EVERYDAY! She even had to give up her volunteer work teaching the nuns of her local parish how to read and write English. I know, it's like I'm copying from some piece of literature. She is that caliber of woman. I used to think my Grandma Z, my mom's mom, was the most amazing person. Now I am beginning to see as my aunt and even my own mother is growing older, that these women are quickly becoming like their mother before them. It has been so wonderful having Auntie E (and Uncle E) relatively close so we can visit with them. It has been so tough watching my aunt get frailer and frailer. It has been tough for the kids to understand.
Honestly, this ordeal for my aunt has impacted me in a few ways. First, I have come to think and feel that she has little she needs to learn from her process of dying but rather it is a matter of those of us around her learning and growing from it. I think Auntie has reached that amazing stage of elderhood, as Hubby and refer to it, where she is truly wise and has very little more on this earth to learn but rather has the job of teaching those around them. I think all that has been happening is for the rest of our benefit and growth.
Secondly, I have felt some sympathy for myself with all the toughness this current pregnancy has brought. Oh goodness, I know how blessed I am that all is going good and the baby is healthy. However, vomiting 6-8 times a day, constant nausea, constipation and some other not so fun things that go along with that, headaches, hip pain - I will stop there, has gotten me down a bit. But then I think, at the end of all of this, I get a beautiful baby girl to love and share with the rest of the family. In summary, I get a new life at the end. My aunt, on the other hand, is experiencing pain, itching, jaundice, headaches, swelling, confusion, endless medical procedures - again I will stop there. And at the end of her sufferings, she dies. Considering this, I stop feeling so sad for myself, and keep going and push through whatever ills I have at any particular moment. However, knowing the life she led and the person she is, I have no doubt there are good things in store - likely to be greeted by Grandma Z.
Actually, I had a dream several months ago. I even shared it with Auntie. I do not believe my dreams are prophetic, by any means. If they were, aliens would have invaded Earth years ago. No, the dream goes...
I was at my old home in Nevada visiting with my mom. Actually, there were several of us there - my mom, sis, my own kids, and a few other random folks. We were all sitting around talking and there was a knock at the door. This beautiful woman was at the door and said, "I'm here to take E." I let her in and recognized her as Grandma Z. However, it did not look like a 98 year old white headed woman. This lady was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.Glowingly beautiful. She came in and Auntie E went with her. I immediately told my mom, "We have to go after them. Grandma never learned to drive and they are headed into Vegas. We can't let them go by themselves." I quickly scrambled to see if someone could watch the kids and my mom and I jumped into our tiny old gray Plymouth Horizon and headed down the dirt road from our home. We kept saying, "We are never going to catch them. They left so fast and who knows where they are going." Then I woke up.
I think the dream was my brain's way of saying, "It's time for Auntie to move on past this life." My heart aches because this earth will be without this amazing woman and our family will be without her calming, sweet presence. But I know I will see her again and she has glorious things in store for her.
Never has anyone been so confident in my abilities and such a lifelong cheerleader in the fashion that Auntie has. Even has a tiny child she would make me feel 10 feet tall. Even if her cooking was not the best (talking biscuits that bounce), it always tasted good to me because it was made for me.
I pray each night for her family as they live through this tough time watching their beloved wife, mother, and grandmother suffer through the ending stages of a obscure form of cancer. I pray for my own mom who will be losing her sister. Those two may be bickering old ladies sometimes, but they have always been extremely close and it will be a huge impact and loss for my mother. My kids pray each night for Auntie E that she will have more good days than bad ones. I even pray that I will be strong every time I have one more moment with her on this earth so that I can offer her the words of encouragement and medical expertise she asks of me. Mostly, I am grateful for having had the opportunity to know yet another incredible woman who has made me a better person and gives me a goal to strive for - someone so Christ-like that I can hope to one day be more like her.
We love you, Auntie, and are very grateful for you. Thank you for being you.
Yes, we know the gender of our baby, and yes, we did genetic testing. I have a couple things I wanted to blog about related to all of this.
First, why the genetic testing? Well, we actually always had it done with our other kids. Not because we would want to make "big and touch decisions" after the 12 week mark - like later term abortions, which I do not support for any reason - but because we wanted to be prepared.
Recently, when we've shared with certain folks that we did genetic testing, we have had responses like, "Well, we opted not to have that because OF COURSE we would NEVER do anything to end our pregnancy." Maybe it is me being pregnant and sensitive or maybe it is me just reading into too much. But, when they say that, it makes me feel like they are implying that we would do something.
Rather than use my defensive communication techniques, which I learned from true professionals, I have opted to just say, "We chose to pursue it and always want to walk into a situation as fully informed as possible." What none of those folks realize is that my mom was told I was going to be born with Downs Syndrome and she opted to continue her pregnancy and care for a baby that may have significant health problems. She did not care and continued a very difficult pregnancy full of complications still the same. Will I ever forget that? Obviously no.
We also have some friends that we have since lost touch with. They believed that genetic testing for their baby was unnecessary. They did not even consider the possibility that their first born child would be born with a severe chromosomal abnormality that usually does not even permit the child to live past birth. When the child was born they, nor the health care providers, were not prepared either physically or mentally for the challenges that lay ahead. Maybe if that baby had been born at a hospital with the right kind of facilities the outcome may have been a bit different. Maybe if the health care providers delivering the baby knew ahead of time what was to come the NICU team would have been on standby. Maybe something could have been done to prepare the new parents for what to expect the first week, month, or what options they had as far as surgeries before or after birth to treat that child.
No - they were not prepared. Their child eventually passed away from complications as a result of the genetic disorder, and their marriage died, too. We are no longer in contact with either of them because it just became such a messy ordeal between them that we had to step away from the situation and let them move on with their lives. I just wonder, though, if the outcome may have been different had they known ahead of time and could have spent 6 months preparing and laying a foundation of rock for their marriage so that when the floods of a severely ill child came along they would have been prepared and could have cleaved to each other and been prepared months in advance as which kind of health care they would want to provide for that child.
Their story stuck with me for years before we even had children of our own. It made it so that we determined that we always wanted to know what we were going into with each of our children. Now, having other children to consider, we felt it even that much more important to ensure they would be informed in case there was something we would need to prepare them for.
This third time around we actually had the option of a new blood test that takes maternal blood and extracts the baby's blood from it to be grown in a lab. The blood contains the baby's DNA and as such we can determine various genetic disorders as well as baby's gender.
Last Thursday the kids and I were napping and the nurse at my OB office left me two messages saying it was important that I call for the results of our lab work. I tried calling back but it was after hours. I actually took several deep breaths and continued to ready myself for potentially life changing news all while I was packing my bag for tap dancing class. Then I saw that she had left another message at 5:30 on my cell phone. Then I really started to panic. As I was doing so and about to walk out the door to load the car, the land line rang. It was the OB office. I immediately picked up.
The nurse said my results were in and asked if I had a few minutes to go over them. My heart was pounding so loudly in my head. I dropped my bag at my feet and sat down on the bed. She began by saying the results are 99.6% accurate so not 100% but...everything was normal and she could tell us the gender if we wanted. After what I am sure was a long pause on the phone, she repeated, "Do you want to know the baby's gender?" I collected my thoughts still saying a silent prayer of thanks that all was normal and stated that indeed we wanted to know baby's gender. Her reply, "You're having a baby girl." I thanked her and said I would see her at my next appointment. Above and beyond the call of duty to keep calling with results so persistently but also a little disconcerting.
Rule number one I learned as a nurse when calling patients - If there is nothing worrisome to report in lab results say so up front even in the message on the phone. "Hi, this is Nurse J. I have your results in. Nothing worrisome but I did want to review these with you." Hubby actually suggested this to me after a similar experience with the dermatology clinic. Now I do the same with my patients. Especially now, being a NP, it is a bit concerning when the person ordering the lab work calls directly. I still try to call all my own lab results so I ensure no one is left hanging and worried like I was. Especially when calling after normal business hours.
So, there you have it - the two things I wanted to discuss and document in this posting. At the end of the year our blog becomes a book and will be passed on to our children and grandchildren some day. I want them to be able to read about these experiences which may account for the detail.
Yes, we are extremely blessed and grateful that there is a 99% chance of everything being great. We do have a significant risk for having a clubbed footed baby because the only "defect" I was born with was having a clubbed foot but I wore a brace for two years and no one can tell otherwise. My "defect" did not stop me from training with a professional ballet company or continuing my dance studies to this day.
By the way, I missed my tap dance class after that phone call because I was so exciting when hubby got home to tell him the news that I drove off without my tap shoes. Tap dancing is kind of mute - literally - without proper footing attire. Oh well - we have an anticipated healthy baby girl coming in 5 1/2 months and everyone is SO excited.
T says, "Mom, I guess it's going to be just Dad and me as the men of the house." Lil Sis says, "Now I'll have my own Bebe Sister - YEAH!!!" Me, I say, "Whew, we already have all the girl clothes we need!" T Rex Dad says, "That's what I was aiming for and she's going to be beautiful but probably taller than you, Dear." Yes, I've come to the realization that everyone in this family will be taller than me someday but I will embrace my shortness and enjoy the beautiful family I have been blessed with.
One other side note, this baby girl is also very lucky. I have won two raffles since I've been pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me to go buy lottery tickets, but I actually think my winning lottery ticket is growing in my belly right now in the form of a baby girl.
Enjoy the photos. When I first saw the face profile I immediately saw the same image from Lil Sister's 12 week ultrasound. A couple of other tidbits. She is our only baby from my left ovary - the other two came from the right. Placenta position is left posterior - left back. Weird facts, I know, but I love asking odd questions of my health care providers.
The kids have been SO good this past week. Plus, they are SO excited since they now know their new sibling's gender. (More on that in our next posting.) With that being said, T Rex Dad declared they needed a surprise. I had brought an idea to him but upon researching cost declared too costly. He, however, stated we could pull a little funds from savings for this special occasion and reward their excellent behaviors of late.
Thus, we took them to a traveling show called "Discover the Dinosaurs". Life-size moving replicas of dinosaurs. Plus, bouncy houses, digging for dinosaurs, and dinosaur rides. The kids were a bit intimidated of the dinosaur rides but they participated in nearly every thing else.
The kids were very impressed. Lil Sister's favorite dinosaur was the triceratops. Our own T Rex's favorite was the pterodactyl, as well as the spinosaurus. He very much did not like ankylosaurus because it roared the loudest. It was pretty loud in the buildings with all the roaring dinosaurs. Hence, you will see the kids covering their ears in some of the photos.
It was a fabulous time. Despite some of the wait times being 45 minutes or so, the kids maintained their excitement and continued to be super good. Enjoy the photos as we had a great time taking them and you are being warned - there are a lot. Next posting we reveal baby 3.0's gender.
These little kids are just bursting to tell everyone and anyone "their news". All last year they asked and asked for a baby sibling. Having just graduated from school and started a new job, I kept telling them the time was just right but we could talk about it at another time. Eventually they just stopped asking.
For two months the kids watched me suffer severe morning (all day, really) sickness along with several of the other not-so-great aspects of early pregnancy. Finally, one day at the doctor's office while getting some blood work, T broke down - literally mid-blood draw, and started crying, "Mom, I am terrified you're dying." When the tech disconnected me from the 6th tube of blood she drew (no wonder he was traumatized) I was able to comfort him by assuring him I was not dying and we would talk about it. Then I offered a distraction of a nearby jungle gym. Still, though, he was upset. Later that night, after dinner we sat the kids down and shared the news. Honestly, Hubby and I were not prepared for their response. They stood up on their chairs and jumped up and down shouting, "Yeah, yeah!!" over and over.
We tried to have them keep things quiet for a couple more weeks just so we could get to that second trimester mark. For the most part they did good. Plus, it has made T very helpful and sensitive to my needs. He even offered to pat my back while I vomit. What a kid! He really is a super sensitive little guy like his super sensitive dad. What about Lil Sister? She is elated to get to be a big sister and, of course, she has a baby in her tummy, too.
How am I? Does my lack of blogging say anything? Like last pregnancy, I have been hit hard with nausea and vomiting as well as fatigue and dizziness. I am not a glowy pregnant lady but rather look green, pale, thin but with a gut like I haven't worked out in a while. We have had to keep a really strict schedule to ensure I can get to bed early because about 9:00 pm I am done. This is a huge change for us since I usually sleep about 7 hours a night and am never in bed before midnight. I usually have multiple projects on the burner and am a very high energy person. Lately - not so much. However, at least things are starting to get better, slowly but surely. Last week I did actually finish two crocheted sock monkeys. (One is at a benefit auction as I type this.)
So, we have told most folks close to us and the responses are interesting with a lot of questions. Here are some responses to those questions:
- Yes, it was all very carefully planned.
- Yes, we are all very, very happy.
- Due date is first week in November. I never say exact date since neither of my kids was born on their due date. T was 2 weeks late and Lil Sis was 5 days early. I would be happy with a Halloween baby. I have always loved dressing up for parties. This would be a great excuse.
- Am I going back to work? The first person we shared our news with, before even our families, was my boss at work - senior partner boss. I was actually quite nervous to tell him but he is a family man and has been my number one advocate for many years. He was very happy and excited and on pins and needles as to whether I was going to come back to work. I learned my lesson not to keep your employer hanging because I think it makes him/her nervous. Yes, I assured him I would be returning in the new year. I think it will be nice to have the remainder of the year off to get into a rhythm and not have things too broken up with the holidays. Plus, I do only work about 16-18 hours a week so as long as initially I don't work extra days we should all be fine. Additionally, we will be able to get into a rhythm with T being in school before baby comes.
- How am I feeling? Name every pregnancy symptom and I've been suffering through it. I take meds to keep me from vomiting which have bad side effects making other things worse. However, I have friends who cannot have babies or have recently experienced miscarriages and I remind myself they would happily trade places with me so I push through. With Lil Sister the nausea finally went away the day after she was born. If I have to wait that long so be it as long as the end result is a good one. I will push on. Plus, I have an extremely supportive, patient husband along with some kids that have been trying to be extra good. Oh, and my apologies if I am severely blunt these days. Sometimes my inside voice is a little too hard to over-ride and becomes my outside voice, particularly when pregnant.
- Cloth diapering? Oh, yes. We have a great stash from last time and we plan on renting some newborn diapers for the first couple months so we don't have to wait until baby grows into our current diapers. It took Lil Sister 6-8 weeks to fit into the diapers we have. We can actually save a lot of money by renting a stash for those first few months. Plus, I'd love for this baby to never have a disposable touch its skin. Just a small goal I've set for this time around. This little one will once again be on a shoe string budget since we're still paying off school loans.
There you have it - reason behind my absence from the blogging world. I am hoping to catch things up in the next few months but for now I'm just trying to grow a baby as healthy as possible and it seems to be taking most of my efforts of late. Thank you all for sharing in the "kids' news" and stay tuned for more updates and some updated photos this next week.
Yes, I'm really behind. Things continue to be a little crazy around here but are somewhat slowing down. Plus, I have an iPad now which makes me less inclined to pull out my laptop, which seems huge in comparison. Hence, the combo thereof has made me get a little behind.
Here is the first of a few postings in which I begin to catch things up.
First, the photos from dying eggs. We did these after we had already done our egg hunt at the church. That event was so fun that we ended up not hiding our eggs but eating them. After a few days, we were pretty tired of egg salad, egg sandwiches, plain eggs...you get the point. However, the photos of the kids coloring their eggs were so sweet I just have to post them. Plus, they genuinely had a great time doing so. We did have an unusually large volume of pink eggs (I wonder who did that?).
Enjoy!
I know it's been a while since an update. Things have been a bit busy around here with more details to come. For now, though, we are well and just trying to keep up with my work, Hubby's work, T's t-ball practices, and both the kids' gymnastics. Throw in my weekly dance class, too. This week we had a break from everything except t-ball practice but I did also work an extra day. It was busy but not nearly as busy.
Grandma called and suggested we take a break from our crazy schedule and meet them at the church for some Easter fun. The kids were most excited and there was fun for all. Before the egg hunt there were lots of activities - coloring, decorating bags, frosting cookies, ring toss, duck game, rabbit toss - as well as the favorite bouncy houses. After all that fun, we dashed around collecting candy filled eggs. The kids collected so many eggs that we have more Easter candy than we had Halloween candy. Of course, you know how much some of the kids like candy. We'll find a good home for it.
Here are some photos from the morning...
As you know, we're big fans of the zoo. However, this year was a brutal winter - more snow than I am used to seeing (T Rex Dad would beg to differ). As my little guy T said yesterday, "Boy, I am glad it's warming up. I was so tired of wearing a coat everywhere for everything." Then Lil Sis piped in boisterously, "ME TOO!!!!" Amen to all of that.
This first zoo outing was from last week. It was a balmy 48 degrees. We went again yesterday and it was really nice at 68 degrees. We really did not need coats yesterday but we still did when these photos were taken.
On both trips to the zoo, we never made it through the whole zoo. The kids are getting more focused on certain things and I find we linger for longer periods of time. We used to do the entire zoo in about an hour. Now we make it through a third in an hour and a half. We still have not made it to feed the giraffes. I will post photos when we do. Until then, enjoy these. The last photo is of the kids seeing the red pandas. They are quite shy and nocturnal. We have actually never been there while they are out so it was quite a treat to see both of them roaming their encounter area.
